Friday, September 4, 2015

so much less

Having one of those days here where I can see with such clarity my weakness, frailty, inability. In spite of what I know to be true about who I am in the Father and what He has done for me and with what He has gifted me... I see so much yuck. Places in my heart and life where deep insecurities and failures lie buried roar to prominence and bring me to tears. I am battered and sore and it is just barely the first hour of the day.

And then He stepped in. First with the beautiful trees out my bedroom window. The wind is gently stirring them today, and they are dancing. The greens are gorgeous, the life exultant. He whispers there to me each day as I wake up, reminding me that He lives and moves and is at work.

As I read my devotion moments later, weeping at the thought of Psalm 139 --of His knowing the thoughts I am scrambling and struggling to deal with today-- I realize that these words that so often bring me such joy and comfort are hard today. And then He stepped in again. With these words, "Be persuaded, timid soul, that He has loved you too much to cease loving you."

I slowly made my way downstairs to greet the sweetlings and begin our day together. Thinking still, "How, Father? How do I do this today?" I bark at them when there is a complaint about breakfast, and I am in tears again just with the simple prayer that Ila prayed over the food and for the day. And the Father stepped in again. We are reading about Dwight Moody in our Hero Tales book this week, and the focus of today's reading is this, "Strength is the power God gives you to finish a job, even when you feel weak."

As the sweetlings settled into their maths, I stepped down to the mailbox. And as I walked, the Father shared something more with me. I have been praying for years that the Father would make me beautiful in the sight of my children and my husband. That His life in my heart would reflect in me in a lovely way. I so long to be a gentlewoman in Christ. I know now that my prayer should be that He make me beautiful in His sight. That is the place in my becoming where they will see what they need to of Him in me.

And then I reached the mailbox, and He stepped in again. One of my favorite things of the forest was growing on the mailbox! LoL!  It's a tiny moss or lichen that we always called reindeer moss. That is not its true name, but it has little red dots growing on its upper ends that look like Rudolph's nose. So adorable and tiny, reminding me of adventures in the woods and of creating terrariums with my mom. It may seem a nothing to you, after all, what's a little moss growing on the mailbox? But for me, for today, it was the joyful exclamation point on the lesson.

Where I see so much less, He sees His creation in me.
Where I see all that I am not, He sees His Son in me.
Where I see only as far as the end of my nose, He sees the forever in me.

So thankful. Just so thankful that He would step into this day ♥

"Timid soul" quote from Archbishop Fenelon.

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